Hollywood: The Commander Pirate

The movie business - as much as it has always been a business, and as much as it has always stolen from other properties (books, comics, other movies) - seems to continually grow more inert and cannibalistic each year. As summer approaches more sequels, remakes, reboots, and adaptations enter the fray each year. And though, this "old is new" filmmaking strategy is really nothing new, it may seem overwhelming just because of the lack of alternate fare to balance the scales these days.

"The Day the Movies Died", a recent article in GQ by Mark Harris articulates the depth of this "retreads only" trend perfectly. Harris laments the fact that the studios are so paralyzed by the size of their investments that even a refreshingly heirless blockbuster like Inception provides no motivation for innovation.

Most hilariously though, Harris meticulously outlines what Hollywood has on tap for 2011 and 2012. The absurdity is staggering:

2011...

Four adaptations of comic books. One prequel to an adaptation of a comic book. One sequel to a sequel to a movie based on a toy. One sequel to a sequel to a sequel to a movie based on an amusement-park ride. One prequel to a remake. Two sequels to cartoons. One sequel to a comedy. An adaptation of a children's book. An adaptation of a Saturday-morning cartoon. One sequel with a 4 in the title. Two sequels with a 5 in the title. One sequel that, if it were inclined to use numbers, would have to have a 7 1/2 in the title.¹

2012...

An adaptation of a comic book. A reboot of an adaptation of a comic book. A sequel to a sequel to an adaptation of a comic book. A sequel to a reboot of an adaptation of a TV show. A sequel to a sequel to a reboot of an adaptation of a comic book. A sequel to a cartoon. A sequel to a sequel to a cartoon. A sequel to a sequel to a sequel to a cartoon. A sequel to a sequel to a sequel to a sequel to a movie based on a young-adult novel.²

1. Captain America, Cowboys & Aliens, Green Lantern, and Thor; X-Men: First Class; Transformers 3; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Rise of the Apes; Cars 2 and Kung Fu Panda 2; The Hangover Part II; Winnie the Pooh; The Smurfs in 3D; Spy Kids 4; Fast Five and Final Destination 5; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.

2. The Avengers; Spider-Man (3D); Men in Black 3 (3D); Star Trek untitled; Batman 3; Monsters, Inc. 2; Madagascar 3; Ice Age: Continental Drift in 3D; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 2.