Skyfall: James Bond is a nihilist asshole

 
Alright, okay. I suppose I’ll ante up some proof to back up a ridiculous title like that. First I should clarify, when referring to “James Bond” I mean the Skyfall character. That’s it, that’s all. No books, no other movies, no churches will be discussed further.

Where to begin... many things about this film rankled me good. A lot of them point in the same direction though. Basically, James Bond doesn’t give a shit about anyone, anything, or anyplace – except for himself and his mummy.

He wreaks mass destruction wherever his loosely defined and poorly planned missions take him – no matter the cost, human or otherwise. And yes, this is essentially a boiler-plate action movie, and like every action movie, things gotta get blown up real good. But characters, especially lead, pseudo-heroic protagonists must be judged by the choices they make and what events/consequences those choices set into action. Blow up the baddies at the cocaine factory James, don’t kill the innocent people in the market!

Take the chase scene in Istanbul, Bond riding shotgun in a fittingly douchey Land Rover SUV. Sitting back in the passenger seat he lacks a certain measure of control while his female colleague takes the wheel in their chase through the city. And how does Bond’s inevitable choice to control the situation manifest? He grabs the wheel ramming their target’s car into a crowded market stall. Fruit and people go flying – equally important from this film’s pov. Then Bond starts shooting. I hope everyone ducked. He continues this chase through the city with a similar lack of concern for the public. But wait a second, I skipped the opening scene where he begs for a medical evacuation for his fallen comrade – so maybe he only cares about white MI6 agents?

James Bond is a bull in a china shop. A trademark I suppose of Daniel Craig’s Bond, physical and action-oriented, more brawny than crafty. But c’mon, he carries on this rampaging style of espionage throughout the film. I love an anti-hero, but after a while I started to look at him with derision rather than sympathy. Not exactly what they were going for, I don’t think.

Other moments where Bond’s apathy for human life shines through include... crashing through a passenger train with a backhoe, sitting pat while a security guard gets whacked for no reason, and failing to save his sexy lady fling from being murdered.

Oh Sévérine, poor Sévérine. Bond-girl number whatever comes off especially worthless and subservient in Bond’s eyes. Considering her character’s history as a sex slave this is especially troubling, or tacky to say the least. And excuse me if I didn’t find it romantic when he slinks into her shower unannounced. More like, creepy and exploitative. No long after she dies, and Bond remarks that her untimely demise “was a waste of good scotch.” Ambivalent in its tongue-in-cheek way, but considering how Bond operates in this movie, it’s frighteningly sincere.

So I was wrong to say James Bond doesn’t give a shit about “anything”. In fact, he cares about things more than people. Why bother with human breathings when there’s scotch, guns, and automobiles? Shiny, shiny cars. Bond is never more hurt in this movie than when his Aston Martin is destroyed. He hardly flinches when a (presumably people-filled) tube train comes crashing through into the sewer, but blow up his sports car and now you’ve made him angry! Heavens to Betsy man, the thing was already riddled with machine gun holes. Put a tarp over it.

That’s the clincher. After that, the dramatic resolution of his mummy issues pales in comparison to his outrage. Matricide < motorcide. Then again, he does shed a tear in the end for a real live human, so maybe he’s not a complete nihilist asshole, but he’s still no hero.

Jumping the Broom: No White Sharks

JOAQUIN PHOENIX: Yeah, but there's all of this horrible racism that white people don't even recognize. Did you see Jumping the Broom?

I’ve seen it now, Joaquin - thanks to you.

Jumping the Broom was already on my watchlist (along with some 600 other films), but Phoenix’s comments in Interview Magazine boosted it to the top of the list. Didn’t hurt either that pretty much the entire cast is head-shakingly gorgeous. Paula Patton, Meagan Good, Laz Alonso, et al.

The movie is a typical wedding-themed romantic comedy, but despite some 3^rd act histrionics, it rises above most of the crap in that crop.

It’s easy enough to figure out the plot from the poster, but what surprised me was how refreshingly easygoing the movie plays. This has a lot to do with the fact that most of the the drama and comedy emerges from the characters, not ridiculous coincidences and misunderstandings. Not all, but most. And again, the cast is gorgeous, as well as likeable and often high-larious. Especially Mike Epps (I would’ve taken him over any of the nominees in the 2011 supporting actor category outside of Christopher Plummer).

Now let’s get back to why Joaquin loved it so...

I feel like all white people have to see the film just because I've never seen a movie in which most of the white characters in the movie were just working. It was fucking great. It was almost comical. There was a scene during the wedding reception, and there are, like, eight white people just carrying stuff. The main white character with some dialogue was the ditzy, stupid assistant. I enjoyed it so much because you never see that. 

Yes. Julie Bowen from “Modern Family” (and Happy Gilmore) fame plays the wedding planner. She’s an inept wedding planner, and throughout the film her character displays an outlandish curiosity in her black clients that usually results in her putting her foot in her mouth – musing about sisters with different skin colors or stroking someone’s weave.

It’s as if she’s in her own separate movie within the movie. To the extent that she is often talking to herself or is the only one on-screen after a scene has ended for the main characters. The filmmakers obviously had a blast turning the tables on the usual race dynamic, and they successfully make this white character “other” in a way we are not used to seeing in the movies.

This subversive twist lends a swiftness and comfort to the primary action in comparison to Bowen’s awkward bumbling. It’s a subversion that sticks out even more in such a conventional genre as the romantic comedy. Compare it, for instance, to the very similar ensemble piece This Christmas, where it’s lone white character is also isolated, but otherwise bland and insipidly at ease with her otherness.

I’m on board with Joaquin. All white people have to see Jumping the Broom. That or someone has to remake The Devil Wears Prada or The Nanny Diaries with all black actors and a lone white actor in the best friend role.

The Grammys Got It Wrong: Best Albums of 2011

15. The War on Drugs – Slave Ambient

Probably would be higher on the list if I didn’t already fall for some of these songs on last year’s Future Weather EP.

Key Track: “Black Water”


14. The Horrors – Skying

I wish Interpol were still this ambitious and interesting.

Key Track: “Monica Gems”

 13. Lil B – I’m Gay (I’m Happy)

A master class in endearing weirdo rap from the bay area “BasedGod”.

Key Track: “Unchain Me”

Who is Vanity? A tribute.

Recently I was fortunate enough to watch the film Action Jackson - thanks to thesubstream.com including its final scene on a list of the worst action sequences of all time. It's a supercop action film starring Carl Weathers - its stupidity knows no bounds. But amidst the rough there lies a diamond, and her name is Vanity.

Vanity? Yup. Soak it in.





Probably most infamous for being Prince's girl but she started off as a pop star, explaining her drawn-out musical numbers in Action Jackson and The Last Dragon (maybe her biggest movie). Seems she ended off doing too many drugs, so now of course she's born-again and has renounced her Vanity period. Here's a passage from the autobiography Blame it on Vanity by Denise Matthews (her real name):

"The devil’s perversities snatched up what little strength that lay within me [...] i lowered myself to that of a squatting dog, dare i say sucking up his own vomit."

To illustrate her point, here she is naked in a lusty triangle with a man and a monkey... in Tanya's Island. (sorry, video removed)

Maybe you've known and seen all this already, and Vanity is just another blip in the pop culture landscape. But it boggles my mind to think that at some point people were accustomed to Vanity's existence. And I think it's different with contemporary passing B-stars like say Ashanti or JWow or whoever. Perhaps the only difference is in degree or excess, but nowadays everything is so controlled that even though Snooki or whoever could be crazier than Vanity, twenty years from now one will look at their context and clearly see the choreography, the strings being pulled. With Vanity, it seems aimless, chaotic.

Only in the 80s I guess.

The Best Bruce Springsteen Covers of the 2000s

It's nothing new for musicians to take a crack at Springsteen's songs, but through his resurgence in popularity and influence over the last few years even more artists are covering the Boss.

I guess his tunes are so damned fun to sing. And since the original versions are all so identifiable they immediately take on new life when performed by a different artist. It probably doesn't hurt either that a lot of his work can be quite dated by their production styles - especially his 80s stuff.

Anyways, here are my favorites from the last few years...


Kurt Vile - "Downbound Train"

Christmas Music That's Not Christmas Music

'Tis the season for the same ole crappy holiday music that bombards us each year. Tripe like Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" invades our ear-brains over and over again.

But just because the typical Christmas jams are clunkier than a fruitcake, it doesn't mean I don't like to get my merry jolly on.

The solution? Re-purposing non-Chritmas tunes. I'm a sucker for seasonalizing my music listening anyway, and you always hear people talking about summer music. Well, the same can be said of winter music and more specifically Christmas music.

Here are some artists and albums that get me into the Holiday spirit even if the content is decidedly non-Christmas.

The Concretes - The Concretes
Although they're better known as a "summery pop" band, this album is perfect for the cold, snowy months. Same can be said for other bands of the Belle & Sebastian/Phil Spector variety.

"Warm Night"

Strong Images: Gaddafi Graffiti

Since he was captured on October 20th, I've mostly managed to avoid the graphic images of Muammar Gaddafi's near corpse.

Despite newspapers and websites pushing them to their front pages, I'd much rather direct my eyeballs at the anti-Gaddafi graffiti ubiquitous in Libya during the civil war.


A nice antidote to the bloody, pitiful, sensational images. This street art seems to have a lot more to do with the situation of the Libyan people - their past sufferings and new hopes.

The Origins of a "Douchebag"

douche bag
noun
a small syringe for douching the vagina, esp. as a contraceptive measure.
• informal a loathsome or contemptible person (used as a term of abuse).

Nope. Neither of those definitions do the trick. Not for the way "douchebag" or the shortened "douche" is used these days. Maybe one of Urban Dictionary's 207 descriptions nail it... but probably not. To be sure, these days it's a ubiquitous term for smarmy jerks - often of the preppy or meathead variety. But like "epic", "hipster", or any fashionable slang, it's really overused. After a while everything is "epic" and everyone is a "douchebag". Just lazy, lazy communication.

So let's bring it back to the basics and at least use this (notably sexist) insult with some precision and finesse. And as with all important cultural trends, we look for illumination from Booger of Revenge of the Nerds:



Conveniently enough Booger, or actor Curtis Armstrong, appears a year later in Better Off Dead to further illustrate the characteristics of the prototypical douchebag.



And if you're not convinced of the mainstream's recent acceptance/overuse of this term, check out this list of movie quotes (from IMDb, where 56 results included only 8 references from before 2000):

The Social Network (2010)

Sorry! My Prada's at the cleaners! Along with my hoodie and my 'fuck you' flip-flops, you pretentious douchebag!

Jennifer's Body (2009)

Who cares about Jennifer, and those douchebags with their douchebag haircuts and their man-scara? People just burned to death!

The Happening (2008)
All right, be scientific, douchebag.

Cloverfield (2008)
You're not good enough for her. She's beautiful, she's charming. And you, I love you, but let's face it you're kind of a douchebag.

Crank (2006)

Bonjour, douchebag. I thought you might be interested in a little deal.

The Departed (2006)

Well, make more fuckin' money. This is America. You don't make money, then you're a fuckin' douchebag.

Hollywood: The Commander Pirate

The movie business - as much as it has always been a business, and as much as it has always stolen from other properties (books, comics, other movies) - seems to continually grow more inert and cannibalistic each year. As summer approaches more sequels, remakes, reboots, and adaptations enter the fray each year. And though, this "old is new" filmmaking strategy is really nothing new, it may seem overwhelming just because of the lack of alternate fare to balance the scales these days.

"The Day the Movies Died", a recent article in GQ by Mark Harris articulates the depth of this "retreads only" trend perfectly. Harris laments the fact that the studios are so paralyzed by the size of their investments that even a refreshingly heirless blockbuster like Inception provides no motivation for innovation.

Most hilariously though, Harris meticulously outlines what Hollywood has on tap for 2011 and 2012. The absurdity is staggering:

2011...

Four adaptations of comic books. One prequel to an adaptation of a comic book. One sequel to a sequel to a movie based on a toy. One sequel to a sequel to a sequel to a movie based on an amusement-park ride. One prequel to a remake. Two sequels to cartoons. One sequel to a comedy. An adaptation of a children's book. An adaptation of a Saturday-morning cartoon. One sequel with a 4 in the title. Two sequels with a 5 in the title. One sequel that, if it were inclined to use numbers, would have to have a 7 1/2 in the title.¹

2012...

An adaptation of a comic book. A reboot of an adaptation of a comic book. A sequel to a sequel to an adaptation of a comic book. A sequel to a reboot of an adaptation of a TV show. A sequel to a sequel to a reboot of an adaptation of a comic book. A sequel to a cartoon. A sequel to a sequel to a cartoon. A sequel to a sequel to a sequel to a cartoon. A sequel to a sequel to a sequel to a sequel to a movie based on a young-adult novel.²

1. Captain America, Cowboys & Aliens, Green Lantern, and Thor; X-Men: First Class; Transformers 3; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Rise of the Apes; Cars 2 and Kung Fu Panda 2; The Hangover Part II; Winnie the Pooh; The Smurfs in 3D; Spy Kids 4; Fast Five and Final Destination 5; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.

2. The Avengers; Spider-Man (3D); Men in Black 3 (3D); Star Trek untitled; Batman 3; Monsters, Inc. 2; Madagascar 3; Ice Age: Continental Drift in 3D; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 2.

What Were The Best Movies of 2010?

This is the fourth year in a row I've tried to come up with a list of my ten favorite movies, and it seems like each year it takes me longer to figure it out.

Looking at the final list, the common thread seems to be that all these movies surprised me in some kind of way. From 10 on down, these films impressed or prodded me in ways I didn't expect. And I guess if a movie doesn't excite or stimulate, then what's the point...?

So without further rationalization, here are the best/most surprising movies of 2010!

Honorable Mentions: Get Low (d. Aaron Schneider) / TRON: Legacy (d. Joseph Kosinski) / Another Year (d. Mike Leigh) / Never Let Me Go (d. Mark Romanek) / Mother (d. Bong Joon-Ho)

10) The Other Guys (d. Adam McKay / w. Adam McKay, Chris Henchy)

The best of the recent rash of action-comedies, The Other Guys has a political bent to go with its hilarity. It goes on too long, but there are enough surprising moments to raise it above the usual studio comedy fare - including one of the best death sequences ever in a cop movie. trailer / buy

9) The Eclipse (d. Conor McPherson / w. Conor McPherson, Billy Roche)

I'm a sucker for movies that don't stick to any one genre or set of cinematic rules or expectations. The Eclipse does horror, romance, and family drama simultaneously and each crisscrossing thread only strengthens the previous stitch. And with all this going on, it still manages to be a bit frightening. clip / buy

8) The Wild Hunt (d. Alexandre Franchi / w. Mark Antony Krupa, Franchi)

Walk into a movie theater with nothing to hope for and sometimes you're rewarded with wit, action, terror and pathos. Nope, not often, but sometimes. This was very much the case with this LARP takeoff, which revels in pulling the rug up from under the audience more than once. trailer / buy

7) Kick-Ass (d. Matthew Vaughn / w. Jane Goldman, Vaughn)

A comic book movie that remixes and plays with comic conventions – something that's turning into a genre of all its own. 20 years from now, I'd love to see Kick-Ass sandwiched on a triple bill with Spider-Man and A History Of Violence.

trailer / buy

6) The Ghost Writer (d. Roman Polanski / w. Robert Harris, Polanski)

This was a staggering surprise for me since I'm not much of a fan of Polanski or the film's actors. But boy, did I love me some of this old-fashioned thrilla. A heavy atmosphere and dripping in tension; a proper "movie" that Hitchcock and the Cahiers-ists could be proud of. trailer / buy

5) Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (d. Edgar Wright / w. Michael Bacall, Wright)

This comic strip flick is chocked-full of tricks and quirks, but somehow nothing seems like a gimmick. It's as about as refreshing a movie as a comic book nerd from Toronto could ask for. trailer / buy

4) The Fighter (d. David O. Russell / w. Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy, Eric Johnson)

A drama that is unafraid to be hilarious and over-the-top, but at the same time subdued and mechanically precise. Usually these "inspirational" bio flicks are a bore, but The Fighter is nearly everything except boring. alternate trailer / buy

3) The Social Network (d. David Fincher / w. Aaron Sorkin)

Oozing with style, Fincher and Sorkin prove that a film can be more than its subject. Sure, Zuckerberg's story is fascinating, but who would've thought Facebook's cacophony of conformity would lead to a movie this resonant. clip / buy

2) Inception (d./w. Christopher Nolan)

A mind-bending blockbuster-auteur film, of which we get so few of. Chris Nolan's universe completes itself in this unendingly cool and spectacular dream diorama. trailer / buy

1) Marwencol (d. Jeff Malmberg)

After watching this movie, I had the rare urge to jump up for a standing ovation. It's an intimate and unforgettable documentary that makes all the right decisions in telling a story that could've easily been trampled all over. trailer / buy

Thanks for reading, and if you think this list is bullshit, check out my past lists for more injustices and omissions: 2009 / 2008 / 2007

How To Drink A Pancake

Whether you call it a Pancake Milkshake or Hot Cake Mix Drink or a Pancake Essence Beverage, it really doesn't matter. I just want a sip.

If you live in Japan, it's probably available in a vending machine near you (and if you live somewhere else, like Oslo or Edmonton - you can order it here: http://www.jbox.com/product/DRK014). Best served warm.

Take that Aunt Jemima!

The Arbor: Not Your Average Documentary

"Unoriginal". The be-all end-all pejorative when criticizing a movie. Usually movie critics and jilted viewers reserve this bile for Hollywood re-runs and genre re-hashes. But perhaps the most "unoriginal" genre of all usually escapes unscathed - documentary.


For every documentary film that does something "original" with the genre, there are hundreds that just recycle the same interview, archive, and re-enactment techniques ad infinitum. Don't be fooled though, there's more than one way to handle non-fiction.

The Arbor is not one of these cookie-cutter docs. Directed by Clio Barnard, this film has style and guile to spare in its approaches to non-fiction representation. The film tells the story of the late English playwright Andrea Dunbar and the grave reverberations of her work and life in her children.






The film starts with this card: “This is a true story filmed with actors lip-syncing to the voices of the people whose story it tells."

And this technique of having actors sync-act to pre-recorded interviews isn't the only representation strategy at play in The Arbor. Alongside that and a variety of other techniques, strewn throughout the film are a different set of actors performing scenes from Andrea Dunbar's most famous play - also titled "The Arbor" - in the neighborhood her life and work were set in, which you guessed it, is the Arbor (in Bradford, England). And maybe the coolest part of all this, as this play within the movie unfolds, local people and members of Andrea's family look on as the real-life audience.

Yes, as The Arbor reminds us, we can expect more from documentaries. Non-fiction films can be held up to aesthetic standards just as fiction films are. Substance still leads, but style can follow.

I Am Not a Gadget (Yet)

I just started reading Jaron Lanier's You Are Not a Gadget: A Manifesto, and it's been instantaneously off-putting and refreshing through the first couple chapters.

Lanier argues for new, more humanistic tech design that unlocks us from the often arbitrary designs of software, the web, etc, that can seem so inevitable and natural. He offers a fairly pessimistic view of things so far, but with good reason.

Early on, he lists some "things you can do to be a person instead of a source of fragments to be exploited by others".

> Don’t post anonymously unless you really might be in danger.
> If you put effort into Wikipedia articles, put even more effort into using your personal voice and expression outside of the wiki to help attract people who don't yet realize that they are interested in the topics you contributed to.
> Create a website that expresses something about who you are that won’t fit into the template available to you on a social networking site.
> Post a video once in a while that took you one hundred times more time to create than it takes to view.
> Write a blog post that took weeks of reflection before you heard the inner voice that needed to come out.
> If you are twittering, innovate in order to find a way to describe your inner state instead of trivial external events, to avoid the creeping danger of believing that objectively described events define you, as they would define a machine.

That last one is especially challenging to me. I sort of love Twitter, but I consume 100x more tweets than I generate. Partially because I try to avoid those trivial external events, but if I'm going to continue to use it, I should figure out a way to actually use it.

I'm going to try to stick to these suggestions as I finish the book, and in the meantime I'm going to watch this video of the video game "Moondust", which Lanier designed in 1983.

Best Albums of 2010

2010? Whuh? Yes, I'm a bit late on the whole end-of-year-list frenzy. But I require distance. I need to acquire some perspective. Okay, okay... I'm a procrastinator.

In any case, here's my favourite albums of last year - for posterity's sake.

20. Quest for Fire - Lights From Paradise







19. Harlem - Hippies







18. Curren$y - Pilot Talk







17. Roky Erickson - True Love Cast Out All Evil







16. Anagram - Majewski







15. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Before Today







14. Beach House - Teen Dream







13. Yeasayer - Odd Blood







12. Menomena - Mines







11. Vampire Weekend - Contra







10. Micah P. Hinson - And the Pioneer Saboteurs







9. Steve Mason - Boys Outside







8. Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy







7. The Goodnight Loving - The Goodnight Loving Supper Club







6. Stornoway - Beachcomber's Windowsill







5. MGMT - Congratulations







4. The Arcade Fire - The Suburbs







3. The War on Drugs - Future Weather







2. The Radio Dept - Clinging to a Scheme







1. Foals - Total Life Forever







Honorable Mentions:
Doug Paisley - Constant Companion / Frog Eyes - Paul's Tomb: A Triumph / Das Racist - Sit Down, Man & Shut Up, Dude